the ghost of

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 03:06:12 GMT

we got a new computer, it's insanley fast, i don't even know how to explain. tomorrow im gone. which will be nice, i like long car rides and trips where you do nothing but read and write. oh and study the "how to drive a car" book. it's hilarious, nathaniel and i were looking through it and we've never been so entertained. im not really sad that school is over, i don't think i really care. the people i want to see over the summer i will, but other than that im done with it. later days 10th grade.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 11:13:52 GMT

last night was seriously the worst nightmare i've had for a very long time, it was so real. i woke up crying, i guess because i was crying in the dream. also there was a lot of pain, are you supposed to feel actual pain in your dreams? because i do. i won't actually write it down right now seeing as how i have to go to school. maybe later, im still a little disturbed.

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 03:15:22 GMT

im pretty sure i have someone to take to faux prom....W00T.

so party tonight at ian's...was ok. silas, lucas, karl, and jake walked around without shirts. silas and lucas made chesse sticks which were gross. i didnt feel well. zander and laurel were making out and then lucas ran to them with a pick pack of bacon saying, "WE IS GONNA MAKE SOME BACON BITCHES."

endterm is hilarious. kate pretended to be her cat...and started talking...like her cat? eli and i tickle and launch rubber bands at each other.

updating from eli's house:

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 01:32:45 GMT

eli chandler and i have major parties. we are the party faces. aka we lay on the floor with blankets of all of us and snuggle. we are the strange party. victor looks around the small computer as we dance and sing. eli and ione get into fights over which movie we're going to watch. they both throw the two DVDs under the radiator and see who will give in first. eli and chandler are inapproiate, but i eat cake and ice cream and everything is fine. eli wears man diapers. we're watching king kong later lovies.

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 01:15:21 GMT

books, gimme books, lots and lots of books.

burn it, burn it

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 23:24:26 GMT

charles giving me a ride home today was far more hilarious than randy giving me a ride home. well, to some extent, randy giving me a ride home was surprisingly unawkward/almost killed me. lets compare:

Randy: you know...right?
me: ...know...?
randy: yeah, do you, KNOW.
me: hm, know..like, know know?
randy: yeah, do you KNOW.
me: that KNOW? yeah, i know that KNOW.
randy: ok, so you KNOW?
me: i know more about that KNOW than you do.
randy:...yeah.

ok charles:

charles: do you want to listen to some music?
ione and me: sure
charles: it's weird, really weird. only weird people listen to it...ha, like me.

and i didnt erase any ones comment, i was deleting the one of them since i made two, but i guess the one i deleted had the comments on it..so...oops.

the last snake hissed as he was thrown in the fire

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 00:22:50 GMT

YONK. i actually can't read. Rachel has been hanging out with me a lot...i find this to be REALLY weird. err i read a personal piece in writing, it went well until i almost started crying and rachel was holding my hand/arm. WHAT the fuck is happening to me. this year needs to end, now. it needs to be over. my new years resolution is to kill ian and or erik. someone NEEDS to die. during humanities i made a crossword puzzle on the board and it was awesome.

#5)what is my brother's name?

sam newman:vincent!
rachel:omar!
josh:damien? god, this is dumb.
zack:marcella!
tory:I SAID BROTHER

oh hilarity. greg called me lucifer today so then i gave everyone nicknames:

tory = lucifer
greg = squeetis
archie = thor
chandler = tea overload
phoebe = $77 in coins
natasha = trips over plants
alison = lino block

Fin.

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 01:35:46 GMT

You're cold with disappointment
While I'm drowning in the next room
The last contagious victim of this plague between us
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me

-stockholm syndrome

blink 182

i'll weigh you down, i'll watch you choke

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 23:18:08 GMT

you look so good in blue.

sigh

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 01:22:23 GMT

Stolen from Alison, but I found it gave me a chuckle.

<td align="center">

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 21:33:07 GMT

COLD

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 01:04:01 GMT

art homework makes me want to jump off a cliff.

whooo

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 02:11:33 GMT

I swear i'll never post lyrics again, but you see, I have to.

You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you
You say goodnight, in my mind
I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart
And I don't know

But you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

You talk to him, and it burns me like the sun
You talk to her, you say that you feel like he's the one
I talk to me, but you can't hear the pain I feel
You don't know

Cause you gave me the best mixtape I have
Even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I only wish there was more than that
About me and you

Bridge
Oh, don't turn around and say bye again
Yeah it crushes my head when you call me
Your friend and I'm not the same person
From back in the day in the back of the class
That you thought was gay
No I can't find the words cause I lost them
The minute they fell out of my mouth
And it's love and I'm in it, so give me your lips
And just let me kiss 'em
And let's get messed up and listen to probably...

The best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

a female battalion of ginger bread women

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 01:08:45 GMT

hmmm, two months and no update...this does not seem odd to me. So let me explain what i've done...ready for my long list? Because it's not coming. I haven't done anything. My french kid is here...that would be nice except that it means spending more time with my grade...not so nice. As alison would put it, i am shunned by them. So yes, i went to a party with them, did i sit in a corner...maybe...no...OK FINE I DID. Well you would too if they were playing terrible music... Umm alison came over, that was fun. I got new shoes...i want skull laces...awesome. Um k bye

creative

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 15:46:50 GMT

Sweatshirt sleeves rolled to your elbows,

Converse dragging on the pavement,

Khaki pants getting muddy.

Turn around and look,

Everyone walking in groups,

But you don’t want to.

Everyone talking,

And you’re getting a headache.

Away from you, away from them,

The schools in view,

Go through the back door.

Up the stairs,

Walk past your class.

Don’t look back,

You’re almost there.

Through the window,

Out in the air.

It’s cold out,

But you don’t care.

no checks, no cash, no problem

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 15:42:01 GMT

havent really done anything lately, and i have a four day weekend so im home doing nothing. i'll update when i get back from vermont, maybe then something will have happend.

Little angel go away,
come again some other day.
The devil has my ear today.
I'll never hear a word you say.

my broken valentine (not in that sense)

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 02:28:02 GMT

Water Ran Cold

I use to think I loved you
I use to think I cared
Then one day you left my life
And I didn’t shed a tear.

I use to think I loved you
I use to think I cared
Then one day you left my life
I think I’ll leave you there.

I use to think I loved you
I use to think I cared,
But one fine day you left my life
And now I really don’t care.

You broke and bruised me,
Burned and fooled me.
Shattered my trusting heart,
Making it only a half.

You made the mistake of hurting someone close,
Someone who really did care.
In hurting them you hurt me more,
Because I trusted you not to do that.

You left your handy work everywhere.
I picked up the broken pieces,
But mine are all still scattered,
And will never be found.

It is because of you I have half my heart,
And that half is nothing but cold ice and hatred.
My warm and loving side was taken by you
And squeezed until my blood ran dry.

No one can find it and no one will refill it.
That’s because it’s with you, and always will.
Because you were once in that half heart, being my family
Being my friend.

But one fine day I kicked you out,
And I didn’t let you back in.

-tory l.

that was then...this is now

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 02:40:22 GMT

you use to believe in me
you use to see me
you use to feel me
you use to comfort me
then one day it all ended
i suffered infront of you
but you looked the other way
i pleaded for your words of assurance
but you tormented me in mute response
i reached for your hands to pull me up
but you pushed me down
i wanted you to see me for me
but you wanted something else
i walked away
this is the end

forever yours

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 01:52:25 GMT

"Pieces"

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

i smile, but i don't mean it

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 01:47:05 GMT

it's the same but different when ever i come to your door. the decorations change with the season, and it differces to who answers when i knock on your portal. your, or our mom, depending on the way you look at it, greets me with that usual smile and a, "tory how are you dear?" i'm not called dear by anyone but alisha's mom, since i usually don't like it, but hearing it from her made me smile and think, this is awesome, im known as her adopted kid, IM PART OF THE FMILY WHERE'S MY BED. i say im ducky and i ask about her in return, she says fine and i enter. not to my surprise, alisha is standing in her door way in shorts and a pats shirt 10 sizes to big for her, and waving with that big stupid smile she gets when she's up to something. i don't look at anything besides my destination, my spot on the floor between the computer and the rabbit. this time my attention was drawn to the nook that had been so neatly made. how could i refuse it? it was the perfect size to fint into and curl up in. not that i was going to do that. i sat there listening to you talk to your cat and the game on tv, though i wasnt really listening to it. i only heard your clock. the one that you keep on your desk and it ticks every second. it didnt really bother me anymore, i had grown used to it. remembering i had practially lived in your house up until the time i went to france. now i didnt stop in so much, but when i did it was always that clock i heard entering your room. besides your little giggle that you get when somethings happend. your room is more decorated then mine. countless pohtographs of people, and varies articles of things around. from care bears to your hand chair. the one thing that caught my eye everytime i was here was the picture of us. my eating cream and looking in the total oppostie direction of the camera, and you doing your celebrity pose. oh how odd we were...i always leave your house looking at the ground, no need to look up, i know almost every piece of your kitchen, even if i dont know where your food is, though im sure i'd eat it all if i knew. leaving your house was always hard, not because i didnt want to, which was not the case, but because i still couldnt open your door so well. i heard the cat collar jingle before you closed the door, and then the insides your your home faded, and so did my memory.

i'm becoming your memory

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 03:22:57 GMT

the coke can was still on the desk from two weeks previous. i had been to lazy to remove it. the sides had been bashed in, the tab pulled off and chewed. this was done by none other then me. who else would chew metal until it made my cheeks bleed and my teeth sore. who else who smash the tin until it began to stick out at a fine point and begin to cut my soft palm. no not my wrist if that's what you're thinking, im not that kind of person. i don't know why i had done it, only that it seemed to be the right response at the time. i bandaged my bleeding palm, but could do nothing about my bleeding cheeks. and so i tasted my blood, only a little, no need to say "ew gross." i had never been afraid of blood, or of falling, or of that jolt of pain when you get punched. it soon became second nature to me. the dirt would fill my wound until it was white with pus, i only started to complain when my mom would put hydrogen proxide on it. so having my cheeks bleeding provously was really no biggy for me. the coke can has been thrown away, the tab picked up by my dog and still being chewed, and me on my computer, listening for people siging off and on, but no one seeing i was here.

here and no ones seems to notice

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 02:50:57 GMT

well this week hasnt been a good one at all. except for maybe something i found in my mail box today, but thats a different story (thanks. i didnt get the job at camp for over the summer, for reasons that i know and don't wish to discuss. i guess it's ok, i wanted to be a cit but i don't want to spend another month away from home, maybe next year i'll try it. so that didnt work out so much, and to make things worse a girl at my school got my job and she's 10 times worse then me, again not discussing why she got it and i didnt. so then she tries rubbing it in my face, which of course doesnt work on me since i generally don't care about things like this. but yea, so that's why tuesday sucked. wed...had spinning, alison made fun of me for the weird bike...jesse falls off stress ball...alison can't life 12 pound bar...medicine ball dropped on my foot because i called alison short...again. so wednesday day not so bad. thursday, sat around school, took a nap on the green couch, yelled at by charles...lucas hit me on head with guitar case...alison hit me with metal lunchbox...go somewhere after school...get home at 5:45, crash, watch some johnny with mom and nate, don't go online, and go to sleep early.
today: toni once again tries to rub cit thing in my face, doesnt work i throw snowballs at here, she gets bad, threatens me, jesse and i throw more snow...my mom comes in for a meeting with my science teacher...BAD. jenelle takes us to gym...don't do anything, alison and i play on bouncey balls...break light...ian slips on ice...jesse almost dies carrying medicine ball. came home, found something in the mail box, read some, watched johnny, wacthed some friday night tv. and i've been keeping myself entertained all night. really not that bad, took my contacts out early been in my pjs since 5:50, and i really don't care about anything right now. i mean, i couldnt careless that everyone is having fun and im home alone with my dog. stay home, watch a movie, eat a cookie, it just made me feel better. sure yea i havent been the nicest person this week, but i can only forget about it and hope for a better next week. at least my after school thrusdays i have something to do now. and yea so my saturdays i havta get out at 9 and wont be home till 11:30, if im occupied i really don't give a fuck. ok so this week hasnt been a total nightmare, and it could have been worse.

My Green couch...

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 01:08:50 GMT

It was the same thing every Wednesday morning, get up, go to the forum, drop my shit off and go the green couch. It was our private place in the morning, the early bird going for a quick nape before class or to finish your morning coffee and muffin. But the green couch meant something else to us. It was the time for guitars to be brought out, homework to be copied and dreams to be heard from the night before. As Phoebe would put it, “This is the only thing that makes our school different, we have a couch under the stairs, Lucas plays the guitar, Tory day dreams, and I drink my morning hot chocolate and eat my muffin while complaining about how I almost died driving here.” And she was right, the only time I felt save in this school was on my green couch under the stairs with Alison helping me with homework, Phoebe talking about nothing, or Lucas playing Drive for me his guitar. My day dreams would take me to the place I longed to be the most, Salem High. But knowing that would never happened I left my fantasy for something more realistic, flying out the window and escaping spinning class for that afternoon. But it didn’t matter, I still had them. I didn’t like to say it, but these people were slowly moving into my life, just as I was moving into theirs. Everyday I grew closer to them; the more I felt I drifted apart from the ones that had been there first. Those people had helped me “gain my sea legs” in Collins. I was nothing without them and still was. It was as if I was losing what we had in common, conversations becoming briefer or not even happening at all. Where as my conversations at school had become longer and more in depth about what we were planning on doing this weekend. I would say I was busy when they asked me, or said that I was going skiing. But that was a lie. I never did anything. I refused to spend time with them for reasons unknown to me. When I wasn’t doing anything I would imagine myself back on the green couch, Phoebe talking about nothing, Alison helping me with homework, and Lucas strumming his guitar to fit the Wednesday morning mood.

milk for santa

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 15:33:12 GMT

well i havent really done anything lately. i had a couple snowdays and delays. i went outside and met up with alisha and then we went down orne quare. nothing out of the weird. all in all today was a good week, i did well on math and science tests and i recited my french poem with out falter. which im proud of.i spent about an bhour and a half calling alisha and matt and being annoying...because that's what i do. hope you guys didnt mind, i thought it was funny. today in gunna go see a movie with x-tina, and anyones welcome to come of they want, then adriaans sleeping over and we're gunna chill with him and maybe go outside. tomorrow is kristiaan birthday adn we're going up to NH to chill with him. that's about it, leave a comment if you want.

on the phone but on ones talking

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 23:13:19 GMT

[X] been drunk.
[ ] smoked pot.
[ ] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[X] rode in a taxi.
[ ] been dumped.
[X] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[X] had a job.
[X] been in a fist fight.
[X] snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[ ]stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[ ] smoked a cigarette.
[X] gone on an airplane by yourself.
[X] broken a bone.
[ ] had sex in a car.
[X] White lied to a friend.
[ ] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[X] been to europe.
[ ] made out in a movie.
[ ] taken caffiene pills.
[X] been to disney land
[ ] had a crush on someone you hardly knew.
[ ] been to california.
[ ] been skinny dipping.
[X] regretted something.
[ ] peed on someones lawn.
[X] skipped school.
[ ] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[ ] been butt nekked bangin on the bathroom floor. - do not ask
[ ] kissed a member of the same sex--
[X] been in a car accident.
[ ] partied for days and days straight.
[X] had a family member die.
[X] played 'clue'.
[X]had a sleepover party.
[X] went ice skating.
[ ]dropped x boyfriend/girlfriend.
[ ] been cheated on
[ ] had a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[ ]had a threesome.
[ ]had a sweet sixteen
[ ]had a quinceanera.
[ ]had a car.
[X]drove.

Do you...
[ ] have a bf.
[ ]have a gf.
[ ]have a crush.
[X] have a dog.
[ ] have a cat.
[X] have your own room.
[ ] listen to SLAYER!.
[ ] paint your nails.
[X] play a sport.
[X] play more than one sport.
[X] watch sports on tv.
[X] have a fav. group/singer/artist.
[X] have more than 1 best friend.
[X]get good grades.
[X] play an instrument.
[ ] have slippers.
[X] wear boxers sometimes to bed
[ ] wear black eyeliner.
[X] like the color blue.
[ ] like the color yellow.
[ ] cyber.
[ ] claim.
[X] like to read.
[X] like to write.
[ ] have long hair.
[X] have medium hair.
[ ] have short hair.
[ ] have a cell phone.
[ ] had a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.

Are you...
[ ]ugly. um
[ ]pretty. um
[ ]ok. um
[X] bored.
[X] happy.
[ ]bilingual.
[X] white.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican/puerto rican.
[ ] asian.
[ ] short.
[X] tall.
[ ] grounded.
[ ] sick.
[X] lazy.
[X] single.
[ ] looking.
[x] not looking.
[X] talking to someone
[ ] IMing someone
[ ] scared to die.
[X] sleepy.
[x] annoyed.
[x] on the phone.
[ ] in your room.
[ ] drinking something.
[ ]eating something
[ ] in your pjs.
[ ] ticklish.
[X] listening to music.
[ ] homophobic.
[ ] racist.
[ ] Emo

A is for age: 14
B is for booze: Nope
C is for career: Nope
D is for dad's name: david
E is for essential item to bring to a party: duno
F is for favorite song at the moment: american idiot
G is for girlfriend: Nope
H is for hometown: Salem
I is for instruments you have played: guitar trumpet french horn
J is for jam or jelly you like: Strawberry
K is for kids: Nope
L is for living arrangements: my house
M is for mom's name: laurie
N is for name of your pets: kaite
O is for overnight hospital stays: 2 weeks
P is for phobia[s]: duno
Q is for quote you like: duno
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: haha
S is for sexual position: wha
T is for time you wake up: Skool: 6:45 Weekend: WenEver
U is for unique trait:
V is for vegetable you love: duno
W is for worst habit: Uhh....
X is for x-rays you've had: teeth, stomach, arm, hand, finger, leg, knee
Y is for yummy food you make:pizza
Z is for zodiac sign: Libra